Now I know we’re here at the tail end of the summertime, but some of the hottest days of the season are still ahead, so I hope you’ve kept yourself lean and mean and ready for some good, quality, tender-as-hell, Texas-style barbecue. Nothing goes with the end of a hot day better than some smoked barbecue and a cold beer. In fact, I’ve made myself hungry just by typing that, consarnit. If there’s one thing this world needs, it’s 24-hour BBQ delivery places, none of which exist so far. Maybe I’ll open up a side business and call it “Ribs on Rims” or something like that. Then I could sit back and grill all day long.

If there’s anything you learn growing up in Texas, it’s how to eat barbecue. If there’s a second thing you learn, and if you’re lucky enough, it’s how to cook barbecue. I grew up with a dad who could grill like it was nobody’s business, and after eating his ribs … it really was nobody else’s business. My dad is the strong, silent type, so I’ve probably communicated with him more about grills than I ever have about his inner feelings. But, we’re Texans, so that’s okay because that’s how it’s supposed to be.

Now, we didn’t have these tools when I was growing up and watching my dad cook our ribs for dinner in the late summer. But I do remember that there was always a baseball game on the FM radio he had nailed to the porch wall, a cold Budweiser in his hand, and the sizzling sweet smell of barbecuing deliciousness. In fact, the smell of barbecue to this day will take me back to those times faster then you can say, “STEEEEEEEEE-RIKE TWO!”

However, now that I’m grown up and living out of the Lone Star State, I’ve had to augment my grilling ability with some high-tech tools and fancy-pants gadgets. First and foremost, where would I be without the Wireless Talking BBQ Thermometer? This gives me the ability to check on the meat from inside an air-conditioned room while checking out the score on the game without scorching my meat. Always a plus in my book, and something I know my dad would use too. In the old days it was always me saying. “Is it ready yet? How about now? Now? What about now? Dad, is it ready?” Just think, these days he could just hand me the wireless controller and tell me to pipe down.

Next, the constant in the BBQers arsenal, barbecuing tools.  While you can pick the tools up at any store these days … where do you keep them? That’s where The Grillslinger comes into play. It’s a massive holster that’ll get you beat up if you wear it outside the confines of your BBQ safety zone, but it keeps your BBQ spatula, tongs, brush, and more all within reach, organized, and ready to rumble. Before, when you dropped the tongs, you had to hope you could snatch them off the ground before the three-second rule was up, or else you’d have to wash them all over again. Nowadays, you just whip them back into their holster slots, Clint Eastwood-style.

 Speaking of tools, there’s also a specific one that you can use to sear your meat. It’s not just artwork, it’s the signature of a culinary wonder artist at work. Design your own Personalized Branding Iron and use it to mark your territory all over the place. Now you can finally serve up steaks with your initials burned into them, therefore making everyone realize where it came from. Never again will you fight out “who grilled what” in Thunderdome style. You can pull this sucker out and it’ll speak for itself, plus it gives you that wild west cowboy feeling as you brand your beef.

To top things off (literally) you’ll need the Grill Condiment Set, which looks like a little tiny grill. Inside you’ve got your salt n pepa, sauces, toothpicks, and whatever else you can cram inside. Put this on the table when you’re serving up hot meat as a final touch that says, “Hey. I’m king of the grill. Plus, I’m secure enough to appreciate this miniature little grill, even though it looks like a toy. Now, shaddup and eat!” Well, at least I imagine that’s what it says. Perhaps that’s just the barbecue sauce talking.

So, what are you waiting for? Summer is drawing to a close and you have a lot of grilling to do. I’m not saying your meat will taste better if you buy one of these tools, but it’ll definitely make the experience a lot more fun. Oh, and don’t forget the beer. Drinking while grilling at high temperatures always makes things more exciting.