Robins may be considered the harbinger of spring, but I always associate the turn of season with another bird: The marshmallow Peep. Love ‘em or hate ‘em, these extruded sugary confections herald the approach of Easter like no other avian augury.

Purists may stick with the traditional yellow, maybe even allowing for the occasional pink to color the mix, but manufacturer Just Born continues to churn out new breeds every year. This year’s new color is a springy green, all festive and bright, as well as some cocoa-flavored bunny Peeps. (Of course, we all know bunnies don’t peep; they cluck.)

But the big news this year is the introduction of — wait for it — sugar-free Peeps, sweetened with Splenda.  

Now, there are those that would argue that a Peep without sugar is like a headless chocolate bunny — pointless. I’m all for finding ways to increase pleasure while reducing calories, but this little experiment may have gone too far. As Stephanie Lucianovic notes in Chow’s The Grinder, these Frankenpeeps have drawn vitriol for their flavor, texture and, um, unfortunate digestive impact. But perhaps most upsetting is that the removal of sugar by extension results in the removal of the trademark gritty, sugary coating, replaced instead with a coating that is “smooth, with no discernible grit and has strange looking translucent flakes.” Yum.

I’ll stick with the full-sugar version, thank you very much. Oh, and stale, of course.