Your mamma’s uncompromisingly pure, smoothly spotless, she’s a bright white.

So much so, you oft wonder if you were perhaps a mircaculous virgin birth. 

Especially since hun dresses nun, she styles the opposite of S-E-X: she reminds you why mom jeans are dubbed mom jeans, she reminds you exactly how you plan on not styling once you age to your middle,  she —

Needs a glossy glam bag to balance her not showing off her gams, she needs an oversized patent shoulder bag for Mamma’s Day.

Large enough to tote paperwork to her various charities, it’s chic enough to look like she’s off to p.m. play.

And at $850, you’ll be tempted to say a little prayer your mother might loan you a hundred.

Or two.