Valentine’s Day is vexing for everyone at times — whether you’re in a relationship, single, married, or just playing the field. One of the near impossible tasks in life is trying to figure out what the future holds for us, which is why so many people turn to tarot cards, psychics, mediums, spiritualists, palm readers, and, er … bartenders.

However, what if you had a device that could replace all of those (except possibly the bartender) and predict your future?  The Fortune Ball uses “the entire Chinese calendar, theories of Astrology, Numerology, I Ching and Biorhythms, once you tell the Fortune Ball your accurate birth date and time (it’s on your birth certificate if you’re unsure of the hour) it will in a jiffy tell you your fortune for any given day up 30 days in advance. It can also tell you retrospectively what the last 30 days were like.”

 Additionally, it checks three different areas of your future: health, wealth, and love, and then the laser-etched crystal ball on top glows a different color, letter you know what the future has in store for you. Looking over the product decription, it doesn’t seem like it glows black is the future doesn’t look so bright, but it does glow a dark blue to signify “Supreme Fortune”, which to me actually sounds like a really big Chinese food meal that you’d order for five to six people.

 If you’re finding yourself perplexed about love and life leading up to Valentine’s Day, then you might want to try this thing out. Of course, you could always do it the old-fashioned way and visit a real person, but then do you want some complete stranger all up in your business? Keep it discreet, down-low, and high-tech. That’s my motto. If you feel like taking the down-low, low-tech method, then you could always pick up one of those fortune telling fish. He’ll never tell a soul.