Perhaps Chinese manufacturers heavily, illegally, inspired by Louis Vuitton’s signature monogram jotted a note that their sweatshop is falling into real sleep after staring at so much fake gold and brown.

Maybe Marc-y Marc Jacobs soul is twelve steps into being more sensitive after rehab and he felt your pain when—last you toted your LV-stamped “Speedy”—your boyfriend asked, “Isn’t that the bag Jessica Simpson carries? And Kimora Lee Simmons? I heard they’re single.”

Possibly pearly patent leather with white-on-white emboss is just obvious, easy pimping.

Either way, Louis Vuitton’s Reade PM tote moves Monsieur Louis’ mark from flossy fossil to fresh, from dusty designer dud to a clean ten that’ll stay spotless—

So go ahead and smack your boyfriend with it.