San Francisco has no shortage of kooks. In fact, one friend of mine has a theory that weird-for-the-sake-of-weird is so overdone that hipsters are actually going straight and preppy. I’ll be damned if I let those loafers and posers sweater vest my city.

FREAKS REVOLT!
There’s nothing like a great park. I’m not talking about the uncomfortable loving you got in the backseat of your first crappy car. I’m talking about Park[ing] Day. Celebrated in Atlanta, San Francisco, Palm Beach, Logan and Louisville, National Park[ing] Day is sponsored by the National Trust for Public Land and focuses on creating urban park space out of parking spaces. I know for a fact that most of my friends in Los Angeles’ brains would break if they were faced with a hippie sit-in on their favorite parking block; however, in San Francisco, when the popular vote is the hippie vote, police are happy to see the parks go up and down, provided the meters get fed. Everyone’s favorite adulterer, Mayor McDreamy Gavin Newsom even offers his spot at City Hall to the leftivists. Check out the trailer!

WHY I LIKE IT:
For city squatters, this is our best chance to beautify some of the most foul-smelling spots in our little 7x7 grid. Essentials include: enough grass to cover the parking spot, some sort of seating for guests, a sign explaining Park[ing] Day and a dictionary of legal jargon for when a rogue Federal fuzz man decides to assault your granola game. After seeing the slot on Folsom Street (our little leather BDSM district) and after seeing the photos from the Valencia and Cesar Chavez spots, I am tempted to add some additional suggestions:

• Facepaint: Everyone knows that when you go into battle you need to wear your war paint. Whether you go for a Gene Simmons look or decide on a more passive rainbow and balloons, you can’t possibly be mistaken for a man with a purple nose.
• Tunes: Ain’t nobody gonna listen if they can’t hear you. You need to get yourself a speaker system. The seasoned activist knows that every great movement has an anthem. I nominate Oakland-based The Coup’s current hit “Laugh/Love/Fuck” because honestly hippies, “We’re here to laugh, love, fuck and drink liquor and make the damn revolution come quicker.”
• La Caja China Roasting Box: This baby is supposed to be able to handle up to 100lbs of roast capitalist pig for a très succulent jambon experience. Take a bite out of the man and reclaim the streets you lumpen proletariat bitches!