ThisNext Blog

Not to jump on the “Germany is weird” bandwagon, but Germany is a total freak show. As if you needed further proof: the Germany-based Vivaeros research lab team - as in, multiple people, presumably with serious science backgrounds and extensive training - has developed VULVA Original, an erotic fragrance that simulates the scent of…well…a woman. Their marketing materials are quick to assure you that VULVA is not a perfume. Instead, a man should brush the “irrestistable essence” lightly on the back of his hand and inhale - or, if you’re the man in the ad on their website, huff deeply with an expression of self-satisfaction and possible anger on your face, preferably while relaxing in a starkly decorated apartment next to some dazed-looking porn actresses.

The press materials don’t clarify what goes into VULVA - er - but promises that each vial is full of a “precious organic substance.” A tiny vials comes in a minimal black box with a rather vivid insignia, and is small enough to enjoy “anywhere, anytime”. Germans must be huffing the stuff on their daily commute, because the brand is so popular that it’s coming out with two new VULVA scents - VULVA Eighteen, in a virginal white box, and VULVA Exotic, in a brown box. They may be weirdos, but I’ll give them this; their campaign certainly has the cleverist and sketchiest use of the “.com” extension I’ve ever seen.