ThisNext Blog

I think I’ll take up smoking.

Now, before you go running off to call my doctor, settle down. I’m not talking cigarettes; I gave that up a while ago. No, I’m talking about food here. This is one case where smoking is a good thing.

The Grey Lady’s got her eagle eye on a burgeoning trend in the Gotham dining scene. Seems everyone but everyone’s smoking these days.  And why not? What better during the bracing winter months than to sample a taste of summer, meats kissed with the sweet scent of smoke to warm your chilled bones?

Of course, restaurants have access to highfalutin smoking equipment, or barring that, jury-rigged contraptions made of roasting pans and tin foil to do the job. And it works. Then again, they also have the magic of superintense ventilation. Yeah, well.

But don’t lose heart. You, too, can be a smoker without attracting so much as a cocked eyebrow from those around you. 

The easiest way, and the most conducive to both urban environments and cold-climate living, is to get a stovetop smoker, like the Cameron Cookware model pictured above.  Heidi Swanson of 101 Cookbooks was the lucky recipient of one for Christmas and immediately set to infusing her foods with woodsy-scented goodness. But as a vegetarian, she eschews the obvious choices.

Salmon is always a popular choice, and this model is big enough to smoke a chicken. As a vegetarian, I have to get a bit more creative. I made a list of all foods I want to try to smoke in the coming months: giant beans, cheese (I’ve got Haloumi in the refrigerator), nuts, breads, chiles, winter squash, and I have an idea for a mildly smoked, pan-baked french toast w/ maple syrup…. This first time out, I chose to smoke a few things: small potato wedges, king oyster mushrooms, and extra-firm tofu triangles.

Truly, the options are limitless.

Now, if you’re one of the lucky ones here in California, where the weather is pleasant enough almost all year ‘round, you can invest  in a full-on grill and smoker. Winery owner John Storey goes for the Char-Broil Offset Smoker, BBQ and Grill, which he uses for, among other things, slow-smoking pork shoulder for pulled pork. And if you wanna go real hard-core, for a mere 450 big boys you can go totally high-tech with the Bradley Smokers 4-Rack Digital Smoker (pictured, right), a fave of Shawn Lea.

But few are as hardcore of Dr. Biggles at Meathenge, who conquered a 2100-pound behemoth, Thor. And you might have been able to get it too, provided you had a monster truck and a forklift to maneuver the thing.  Myself, I’ll stick with the stovetop model for now.

See, who says you can’t smoke at home? (Just don’t do it in bed.)