Although I do drink my green tea by the gallon and eat up all my fruits and veggies like a good little health geek, I can’t help but be intrigued by Woody Allen’s vision of a future where deep-fried food and cigarettes are so good for you. But just in case the late-20th-century doesn’t turn out to be quite as it’s portrayed in Sleeper (part of the Woody Allen Collection DVD 8 pack), I’m going to keep up with the omega-3 supplements and jogging for the time being.

What the future of health more likely holds is gadgets galore, and I’m not talking about the Intoxication Orb passed around at parties in Sleeper. Rather, we might be seeing more technology like the Zadro Nano UV Disinfection Light Scanner, a device that “destroys germs using UV-C light,” according to moxie. “When you feel like you don’t want to take any chances, whip out this cell phone-sized germ/bacteria/virus destoyer and with a simple 10 second scan of the UV (ultraviolet) light, you can safely kill 99.9% of them,” promises The Green Head, who suggests scanning everything from keyboards to shopping cart handles to “your kids, their toys, and on and on.”

Like catching colds, messing up your wrists with too much mousing is another major office health hazard. “When you use a mouse or a keyboard all day, you start to realize that carpal tunnel isn’t just a myth,” says the GadgetGuy in recommending the Hoverstop Mouse. Equipped with a built-in sensor, the mice/mouses/whatevs “vibrate and buzz when you’ve been gripping them too tightly, so you can learn the right way to treat your body,” GadgetGuy explains.

Computers can also be murder on your eyes, but you can provide them with plenty of relief by using a Two Fingered USB Powered Eye Massager. “This little USB massager is designed for people who sit in front of a computer all day, and is meant to bring life back into your peepers after a hard day,” says GadgetGuy. “It looks little bit like an automatic Three Stooges eye-poker, but we think Moe would approve.”

And if that eye massage isn’t enough to wind you down, you could always slip into a Relaxman Relaxation Capsule. Discovered at The Uber-Review, the capsule comes equipped a body-temperature heated water mattress and preprogrammed music to mellow you out. And with its negative-ion-enriched atmosphere and light- and sound-proof design, the Relaxman grants you “total isolation for the ideal environmental therapy.” All that for only $40,000!

SenseList includes the product on its “15 Absurdly Expensive Things You Can Buy on Amazon.com” list, summing up the product as “your very own sensory deprivation chamber, in which you can lie on a warm waterbed mattress in complete darkness and silence, meditating on how much frackin’ money you spent on the thing.” All very enticing, but I think I’m gonna hold out for that Intoxication Orb instead…