Everybody who’s sick of Charbucks’ overroasted cups of axle grease raise your hands.

Yeah, I thought so.

Listen up, kittens: Roasting your own coffee is not only achievable but almost easy and certainly fun for the whole family. That is, if your little ones drink coffee. How’s that, you say? Well you start with green beans, and I don’t mean the kind you cover in breadcrumbs during the holidays.

Sweet Maria’s is the preferred source of green coffee beans not only for ThisNexter John Nanci, but for blogger Kevin of Bacon Press, who demonstrates how to turn the dull nuggets into glossy, aromatic jewels with the help of a popcorn popper. Yes, you read that right.

Kevin swears by his thrift-store model from the 1980s, but if you want to put a new one on your Christmas list this year, we won’t tell anyone.  

Now, all we need to do is learn how to make soy milk, and we’ll have Kristopher totally hooked up.